I Want to Try Something New! But What…
To be honest, this might take me a while to start this blog post! There are so many more questions to ask, and different ways to answer this question. (which did come to me anonymously to my Anon Box)
The first thing is to figure out what is there to do? Then you feel a slight overwhelm or go blank because THERE IS SO MUCH wonderful things you CAN do!
I am also giving you permission to throw out this idea of “normal” sexual activity and really open your mind to what you may enjoy (that won’t do harm of course).
There will be some ideas suggested here that you make NOT want to do. That is okay. No one is under any obligation to be down for EVERYTHING. The important thing, is to not Yuck someone’s Yum, do not shame someone for what THEY are into.
Then it’s figuring out what you want to try, what your partner wants to try, and what is possible.
(Check out the Want, Will, Won’t list for categorizing the different new acts (and old favourites) for reference and tips on communicating/comparing your list with your partner(s))
Because this is a completely personal journey, I set out to get some more insight on what people thought about “trying something new” in an anonymous survey (with the option of being in the spotlight).
The majority of the respondents said the new thing that they tried more recently was anal play, and what they would like to explore next was different aspects of Kink (being tied up, spanked, exhibitionism).
Here are some of the respondent’s ways someone can bring up that they would like to try something new:
- No strategy, I’m happy just saying ‘why don’t we..’
- Talking openly about it and asking permission
- It was his idea. He brought it up occasionally while we were fooling around, sort of got me used to the idea
Here is some advice from the respondents on how to bring up your desires and curiosity:
- Talk to your partner and be safe.
- If it’s something that you might be interested in (And if you’re wondering if you might like it, that means you’re interested, if you weren’t, it would be an absolute no) then just casually bring it up during* or after sex as a suggestion for next time
- Have fun with it! Being open with your partner about what you want to try, what’s ok and what’s not ok is important too.
* You know your relationship best, but I recommend not bringing up something that hasn’t been explored before while you are fooling around.
One respondent on their journey to Golden Showers (peeing or being peed on):
“I was nervous about peeing when i orgasmed and he assured me he wouldn’t mind, he might even like it…which then intrigued us to explore if we did in fact like it. Yup we do.”
Intrigue, communication, exploration are key things to finding out what you want to try and how to go about trying them! You may be intrigued by something in fantasy, but when it comes to actually participating in it, it just doesn’t work for you. That is okay too!
Advice by Melissa from Sex Positive Families
Check out the Sex Positive Family Instagram
What was your strategy on finding something NEW and bringing it up with your partner(s)
We’ve been talking about areas that are sensitive and that we were curious about. It took communication and being vulnerable, not shy, about saying out loud what we were curious to explore. We explored in the shower, which felt more comfortable for us with the added layer of cleanliness that the flow of water provided.
What is your advice for anyone wanting to try something NEW?
Take time to explore your interests and desires within yourself first. Notice where you may be leading with shame or fear. Take note of what lights you up, turns you on. Give yourself permission to receive pleasure. What do you need to make this new thing happen? Ensure you feel safe in your relationship to be vulnerable and honest with each other. Give it a go and show compassion to yourself and partner(s) in the process of trying something new. It’s okay if you decide it isn’t for you, at least you tried it. If you liked it, is there any desire or opportunity to go deeper into it. Listen to your instincts and trust yourself. Enjoy the adventure.
Here is a list of some Sex Things you could try in no order and in no way complete:
- Light Bondage/Not so light bondage
- Tantric sex
- Sext/Phone sex
- Read erotica outloud
- Anal Play
- Explore Dominance and submission
- Water Sports (golden showers/pee)
- Temperature play
- Sex in a different location
- Play with authority/power
- Be strangers
- Dress up
- New toys/edibles/lubes
- Play a game
- Watch porn
- Swinging/Consensual Non-Monogamy
- Exhibitionism / voyeurism (consensually)