5 Tips for Doing the Sexy Sex (Ya’know AFTER kids) – Tip 4

On October 1, 2017, Posted by , In Knowledge, With No Comments

Here are 5 Tips for doing the sexy sex after children (whether you had them, adopted them, or they moved in).

This blog post was getting incredibly long, so I split each tip into it’s own blog post. I will release the blog posts every three days so you can really drink in the information before you are hit with another tip.

Please feel free to come back to this blog whenever you need the refresher. These tips are not in order of importance, what is more important is completely up to you.

  1. Get a lock for the door and then stop feeling guilty for having adult time.

  2. Find out what helps you turn off mom mode.

  3. Love your body, or if that isn’t going to work, be OK with your body.

  4. Try something new, and letting go of “normal” sex.

  5. Take time to snack, erotically.

Bonus?

As a note, this is generally for those who are in long term relationships with a couple of kids, no judgements if that isn’t where you are at (or even where you want to be). You can exchange mom with anything that works for you (care giver, demanding career peep, spoonie etc)

Take what you need and leave what you don’t!

  • also as an FYI, there are some affliate links.

Try something new, and letting go of “normal” sex.

Okay, I know that in tip number four, I said this:

When many people think they have a problem with desire, they try solutions that are meant to press on the accelerator and add novelty and more sexual stimulation.

I do implore you to work on recognizing your brakes and turning them off before working to turning the accelerator on!

Sex isn’t something we were born to knowing how to do.

When many of us in sex ed (if you were even taught sex ed) just heard about infections and how babies were made. It was all about that Penis into Vagina sex, there was no mention of the clitoris, and if it was mentioned it was just an arrow pointing to it. NO mention about pleasure except to say that boys want it and girls are supposed to say no. I’ll stop, because this rant of mine is good for an entire blog post! (This is a North American perspective, let me know how your sex ed was in the comments below)

So we are still learning about PLEASURE, personally and scientifically. Pleasure is something that is explored and communicated, it’s personal, it’s individual.

Instinctually we may know how to procreate, but that is only one reason of MANY that people have to participate in sexy time. Pleasure, intimacy, bonding, stress relief, sport, income etc are just a few. Many of the problems people face is communicating what they are looking for when it comes to sex.

Sex is a Social Skill – Dawn Serra

 

Over the past 80 years we have come to find that 70% of people with a vulva and a vagina DO NOT reliably orgasm through penetrative sex alone. Clitorial stimulation is where it’s at for a lot of clitorious owners. And some have other ways to fully enjoy a sexual experience without touching the genitals at all.

When we learn about sex, it mainly comes from outlets of media. Movies, TV, and of course porn. When teens were asked if they though porn was a realistic portrayal of sex, they answered no. Follow up questions found that that what they saw in porn sometimes was still was absorbed as fact. Especially for teens who did not have access to comprehensive sexual education.

Movies and TV? They don’t fare better in being realistic! Here are a few things they get wrong often:

  • Consent
  • Orgasms
  • Furniture
  • Only intercourse
  • Taking off clothes
  • Noises
  • Looks

Even though we know movies are fiction, they still have their role in what we learn to expect from sex. Does every orgasm have to look and sound like Sally’s? Does it take only thirty seconds and both partner’s orgasm at the same time? Is intercourse the only “right” way to have sex? Does sex have to be furniture destroying passion for it to be great sex?

Absolutely not!

Our expectations on sex and love, grow from the people around us, the media around us, and the education we may or may not have received. When these expectations do not fit your reality that can cause confusion, frustration, and heartbreak. The key is not about changing reality to try and fit our expectations, it’s about changing our expectations to fit OUR reality.

By trying new things, revisiting previous things, letting go of things that are not working, you may just learn more about your own reality. Remove the expectations of going all night, having wild animalistic sex, or rating things by your orgasm.

“Sex is always about emotions. Good sex is about free emotions; bad sex is about blocked emotions.”

― Deepak Chopra

Ready to try new things? I wrote more about trying new things here: https://euphoricepiphany.com/2017/09/18/want-try-something-new/

What expectation are you working to change?


Here are those tips again. Remember, if the link doesn’t work that tip hasn’t been published yet.

  1. Get a lock for the door and then stop feeling guilty for having adult time.
  2. Find out what helps you turn off mom mode.
  3. Love your body, or if that isn’t going to work, be OK with your body.
  4. Try something new, and letting go of “normal” sex.
  5. Take time to snack, erotically.

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