Anon Asked Vol. 7 – Am I Bi if I want to have sex with a woman?

On October 3, 2017, Posted by , In Anon Asked, By ,,,, , With No Comments

The questions below were sent on Free Suggestion Box completely anonymously!

Send in your own questions, comments, and suggestions:

*Please note because they are anonymous, I can not ask follow up questions so there may be assumptions made. (I try not to assume, that makes an ass out of u and me)
*Also because these are written to a wider audience, the answers may include broader information.


How can I tell the difference between bicurious and bisexual? I’m in a committed marriage with a man, but there is a part of me that genuinely would like to experience sex with a woman.


Sexual Orientation, gender identities, relationship identity, and the queer community.

Labels are a very personal thing that can help you know more about yourself and find communities you feel safe and welcome in. They are not diagnoses and they are not scientific explanations for desires or behaviours. The individual picks the label (or an absence of a label) to describe their own identity. You do not know how a person identifies unless they tell you.

YOU get to decide your OWN identity.

Now, to get into IDENTITY and BEHAVIOUR. Your behaviour doesn’t dictate your identity. If you are bisexual and enter into a monogamous relationship with a man, no one takes your bisexual card away. If you are straight, and have multiple experiences with someone of the same gender, you are still straight.

Just some Labels under the Bisexual Umbrella:

*Attraction can be emotional, romantic, and/or sexual.

  • Bisexual – Feels attraction for both/all genders.
  • Bicurious –  Is curious about your attraction for the same or other genders.
  • Heteroflexible – For people who feel mostly heterosexual/straight.
  • Pansexual – Attraction towards people regardless of their sex/gender.
  • Queer – Not quite fitting of any specific label.

So now to the second part of your question. You are in a committed relationship with a man but would genuinely like to experience sex with a woman. That isn’t an identity, it is a desire for a particular behaviour (no judgement here, just describing the difference). I am assuming that you have used committed to mean “monogamous”, but committed couples can also practice ethical non monogamy.

I am a proud bisexual/pansexual/queer human being and I am very happily in a monogamous relationship. My identity doesn’t change. My behaviour does. The label you are thinking of changing may be of your relationship, not to identify your personal attraction?

Of course that would be an entirely different blog post, you are welcome to write to the Anon. Box any time!



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